I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
