I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
