Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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