Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I have aggressive nipples.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
