They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
