It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
