I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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