Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Two words: blizzard sex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
