but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
