I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
