My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
