i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
