Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
