she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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