also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
