he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize