i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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