All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
