Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
