Plan B is the new Plan A
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize