something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
