i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Randomize
