Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
