Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
