i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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