So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just gift wrapped bread.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
