playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
