Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
