dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
