I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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