you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
