That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
