Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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