Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
