If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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