my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize