i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
