Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize