Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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