my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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