eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
