the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
