with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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