fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
