Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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