trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
