we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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