we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
