I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Drake has all the answers
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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