someone threw a dead crab at me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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