i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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