some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
