listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
