Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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