He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
