also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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