he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Alive.
So much puke
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I still have a little drunk in my system
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
