margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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