everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
