shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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