I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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