I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize