i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
vagina is talking i cant
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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